Addiction, from the earliest phase to the most severe stage, is an absorbing process that begins to take away the addict’s control over their life. As it gains ground among the patient’s priorities, the other things in their life take on a secondary role that gradually fades until they are nullified or disappear, given the impossibility of paying attention to them and maintaining them. This can happen with jobs, friendships, professional careers, and short-, medium-, and long-term projects. In the same way, it usually happens with romantic relationships.
In many cases, this is a turning point since, if it is an important bond for the affected person, it can represent a differential aspect in how the pathology progresses depending on the level of support or stimuli received from their spouse.
Below, we analyze the way in which addiction affects and influences a relationship, and vice versa. We start from the fact that each couple is different and shares a distinct bond, and not all people act the same way when suffering from addiction. However, there are some common patterns, both in substance addictions and in behavioral addictions.
The change in the addict caused by the disease
Drugs or addictive behaviors cause the affected person to adopt attitudes that were not previously part of their behavior, such as deceiving, lying, manipulating, or blackmailing the people around them, and that includes their partner. Far from being something personal, these behaviors are developed without malice or intent to harm their environment, more as a defense mechanism. Addiction begins to take a leading role in the affected person’s life and becomes an imperative need that must be met at any cost.
This usually triggers the aforementioned attitudes, as well as some confrontations, which can be very hurtful to the interlocutor as they do not recognize their partner in those behaviors. These episodes damage the couple to a greater or lesser extent depending on how aware the spouse is of the psychological influence of addiction on the patient. In any case, the situation becomes very complicated because, no matter how understanding the addict’s partner may be, coexistence is often conflictive and greatly affects those who closely suffer the deterioration of the drug addict.
In case that question arises: yes, it also happens in the same way if both people in the relationship are addicts, since the disease affects each one differently and the relationship becomes circumstantial. As we said before, important bonds are lost, displaced by addiction. This becomes the center of all priorities and decisions begin to be made taking into account the moment of being able to consummate it.
What is it like for their partner to live with a drug addict?
Some studies reflect that each patient’s addiction directly or indirectly affects approximately four people in their environment. The addict becomes co-dependent on these people who also end up bearing part of the weight of the addiction, overlooking some behaviors out of love. Often, this is done to avoid having to end the relationship and abandon that person, who, due to addiction, is more vulnerable than they seem, but day-to-day life can be really hard.
Some of the difficulties experienced by the partner of the addicted person are:
- The guilt of not having been able to prevent the situation, of not achieving a positive change, and of considering ending the relationship to end the pain. They may not do so because of the same guilt of leaving them alone and creating an aggravating factor in the disorder.
- Questioning whether the problems that arise in the relationship are not due to addiction and that the person is like this, without the possibility of change.
- Managing codependency. The addict begins to depend on their partner to survive the addiction, and the spouse dedicates time and effort to their partner to nullify the negative feelings of emotional detachment caused by the toxic situations that addiction provokes, in addition to consoling their emotional needs for connection, attention, care, and intimacy.
It should be said that another key point in relationships is communication, and this is also nullified given the difficulty of engaging in a conversation, especially regarding addiction, with the addict.
The most common attempts to fix the situation
It is very important to be aware that those who suffer from an addiction problem will only do something about quitting if they are convinced that it is necessary for their own good. Although the motivation of not losing more things in their life can help, they will not be able to change their behavior for another person; they must do it for themselves.
Furthermore, it is necessary to keep in mind that codependency contributes to the person with an addiction problem not seeking help, something that delays and hinders the possibility of recovery.
Initially there is usually an accusation of responsibility, in which the addict’s partner indicates the presence of the disease and that this is the source of the problems. This situation has multiple outcomes, which are usually explored at different points of the conflict in the face of uncertainty and helplessness. Ultimatums, indifference, demonstration of sadness and pain, and it is even common for the spouse to try to assume a guiding role to help the addict, which is not recommended and often not only proves unhelpful but also counterproductive. That is why it is vital to seek professional help.
In conclusion, doing nothing to recover from addiction is making the conscious decision to give up a healthy relationship, in addition to allowing the suffering of those around them. Having a partner is possible for the addict in the short term, but it is only possible to maintain it if a recovery process guided by professionals is started, in which the partner can actively participate and be a positive stimulus for the person suffering from addiction.
Be yourself again: recover your life and the possibility of having a relationship
If you are committed to not letting addiction take away your relationship or wish to recover to have the possibility of achieving a strong and healthy bond in which you can give the best of yourself, we are waiting for you.
We invite you to discover everything we can do for you at CCAdicciones through a first consultation without obligation in which we will assess the problem and can offer you a personalized diagnosis. To do this, we have different contact channels so you can make your inquiry through the method that is most comfortable for you. You can do so by calling 977 809 523 or our 24-hour phone at 617 200 882 or, if you prefer, you can send us an email at contactosweb@ccadicciones.es or contact us through any of our social networks.
There is always a way out.
