Developing an addiction is, in itself, one of the worst things that can happen to someone in life. But if this illness occurs within the family while living with young children, the consequences can be even more dramatic. Children see their parents as a reference point and a role model to follow, especially when they are younger. An addicted parent is often the cause of many problems in the family, and as usual, the children are the most affected. This not only affects their development during their transition into adult life. It can also put their health and their ability to relate to others at risk. In this article, we will look at how having an addicted father or mother affects children.
How it affects family life
To see how living with an addicted father or mother affects children, we first need to look at the problems that addiction causes within the family itself. The most common problems that occur within the family are:
- a father/mother has trouble paying bills and keeping their job
- they may not have enough food and/or enough money
- older siblings may have to take care of their younger siblings
- parents may neglect, mistreat, or abuse their children
- a father/mother may drive drunk or under the influence of drugs. The father or mother who abuses substances may get into trouble, hurt themselves, or hurt other people.
- children may have to live with other people in order to be properly cared for and protected
- parents separate or get divorced
How children experience addiction at home
Children experience many feelings when they live with an addicted father or mother. Most of them make them feel bad, and the most common are:
- they feel shame, anger, or sadness about one of their parents’ substance abuse
- they worry about themselves, their siblings, or their other parent
- they believe they have to behave like an adult before they are ready
- they are frustrated because their father or mother does not change and continues abusing substances
- they feel overwhelmed and unable to cope with the situation
- they feel fear, loneliness, or insecurity when they are at home
- they feel it is hard to trust others or relax
- they are worried about their father’s or mother’s health or safety
- they may experience depression or anxiety
- they feel relief when their father or mother takes steps to recover
How children may respond to addiction at home
Young children are the most vulnerable when addiction appears in a family. For this reason, it often has repercussions on their behaviour and development. Some of the problems that may appear are:
- they try hard not to bother the father or mother who abuses substances
- they try to stay away from their father or mother
- they may not speak up or stop asking for what they need
- they keep their emotions to themselves
- they keep their father’s or mother’s problem a secret
- they hide what their life at home is like
- they avoid inviting friends over because they never know how their father or mother might act
- they miss class or have trouble keeping up with homework
- they take on adult responsibilities
- they argue or fight with their parent
- they hurt themselves (self-harm)
- they act as if their father’s or mother’s behaviour does not matter to them, even though they are having a very hard time
What can children do in this situation?
It is normal for children who have to live with an addicted father or mother to be having a very hard time. However, they need to know that there are a number of things they can do to cope better with the situation and help themselves. Some of these tips are:
- Open up to someone you trust
Talking to a good friend and telling them what is happening at home can help relieve much of the anxiety caused by the problem at home. Talking to a trusted adult such as a teacher, doctor, or therapist is also a good option. Explaining what you are going through can be a relief and, in addition, these people may try to help in other ways.
- Be sure it is not your fault
Some people blame themselves for one of their parents’ substance abuse. They may even think that the times their parents have been angry with them are the reason they use drugs. However, children need to be very clear that they are not to blame for their parents’ substance abuse problem.
- Recognise and name emotions
It is important not to try to hide feelings or pretend that everything is fine. For a child to pay attention to how they feel when they see that one of their parents has an addiction problem can be a useful exercise. Using words, and not actions that can cause harm, is a way to express how they feel and why.
- Build good habits
Some children are not able to stand up for their rights or show their emotions. They are more concerned that these behaviours could trigger drinking or substance abuse by one of their parents. These kinds of habits can be useful for surviving the toughest moments at home. But they are unlikely to work in other parts of life. That is why knowing how to defend your rights, saying how you feel, and showing your emotions help you have good relationships in the future. Sometimes, people need to go to therapy to develop good habits that they could not learn when they lived with an alcoholic parent or a parent addicted to other substances.
CCAdicciones is an addiction treatment centre where we have the best professionals to help you if you are addicted to any drug or have any other addiction. Get in touch with us if you think you need help to regain control of your life.
